Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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