btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
