The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
