i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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