R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
