Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize