i'm signing you up for texting rehab
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
