He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
