I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
