actually, I'm a sock model
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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