Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
