Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
