i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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