he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
