dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize