My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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