I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
