don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
