hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
