I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize