I just saw a hot homeless man
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have aggressive nipples.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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