If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
