sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
