I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
