U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
