You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
