just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
