Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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