i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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