There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
