I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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