I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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