Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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