Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
