I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
