But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is it because I queefed?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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