my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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