I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Randomize
