just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think I have vodka in my lungs
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
