i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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