Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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