look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
