Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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