Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
