Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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