so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
