The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
