you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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