so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We smell like vodka and hangover
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