I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize