If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
