You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I lost the right to judge tonight
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i think im in europe. pls send help
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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