I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We talked him into tasing himself.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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