Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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