2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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