i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
How's work?
Spinning.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
