Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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