i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
