2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
