help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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