OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
