After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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