Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
