Welp...herpes.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize