you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize